I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
