just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
