I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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