We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
