Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
