how can u be prego again
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
