She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
