You smell like stripper and shame
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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