just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
