My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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