help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
