alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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