Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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