i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
