He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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