Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
