Can i not drive my cunt home
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
