im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to sanitize my soul.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
