just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
