that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
