Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
