If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
