I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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