you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
