I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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