DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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