I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
