I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
