He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
