she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
