Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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