i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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