I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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