remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
