proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sorry about my life...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
