where does the pee come out of this thing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
