Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
