just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
