She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
