I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
