Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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