I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
