dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
