Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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