So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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