my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
