when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
