I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
