mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
two words: eviction party
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
