she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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